“Bar Lies…” – Don’t Trust the B

        

Is it bad form on this, the day that the news breaks of DTtB’s cancellation, to be talking, once again, about how much I wish this show was just over already? I said in this morning’s announcement that I would keep reviewing this. But now that it’s coming to a close, and when I finished this episode feeling so thoroughly bored, uninterested and not a little depressed, I just can’t do it anymore. This will be Pond Hopping Girls’ final DTtB review.

And not a moment too soon.

This episode saw June come to the realisation that not all lying is bad, and Chloe come to the realisation that not all lying is good. Then June’s mother accidentally gave JVBD hallucinogens and he ruined his comeback on live TV. 

James Van Der Beek is a surprisingly good dancer. 

And, with that, we bid DTtB adieu. Such a shame. – K

Quoteworthy: “Katie and are only cousins but we’re as flirty as sisters.” – Chloe

Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23 Cancelled!

ABC has pulled the eight remaining episodes of Don’t Trust the B from the winter/spring line-up, with no apparent intention to air them at a future date. The show has effectively been cancelled.

The news comes in the form of an ‘announcement’ from starring actor James Van Der Beek, made through his twitter account:

We can’t say we’re sorry about this, or even very surprised. The current season has, as we’ve repeatedly said here, lost the magic that made it such a smash hit the first time out. The real pity here is not that it was cancelled, but that it didn’t live up to everything it could have been.

Stay tuned to Pond Hopping Girls for our forthcoming reviews of what we now know will be DTtB’s final episodes.

According to Just Jared, original episodes of Happy Endings will be airing to fill the Tuesday night time-slot gap left by the ill-fated comedy.

Follow Pond Hopping Girls on Twitter here.

Smorgasbord Review #2 ~ December 3rd – 4th

       

Okay, we’re back from hiatus (just a little late). And we’re gonna throw a few episode recaps into another Smorgasbord Review because we watched them and we took notes on them but that was over a month ago and now we’ve completely forgotten what they were about. So we’re gonna read through our notes and try to guess, but that can only lead to very, very short reviews. And, possibly, complete nonsense. Sorry. We swear they made sense when we wrote them first. But now? Indecipherable.

Castle, “Secret Santa” From what we remember this was an episode about a dead Santa (not the real one, kids), about how Castle’s a Christmas freak, about how Beckett doesn’t like Christmas at all, about how Espo was at a loose end for Christmas – he usually hangs out with Ryan, but Ryan has to go home and make a baby – and how Espo is, all in all, a sweet guy. Also, we may be making this up, but he may be adopting a family/getting a new love interest. Maybe. And the victim’s wife did it. (No need for a Spoiler! alert this late in the game, right?) – B+K

Quoteworthy: “June 9^th and we still haven’t taken our Christmas decorations down. And by the time my dad and I did it was like we were putting Christmas away forever. We haven’t opened those boxes since.” – Beckett, explaining how her mom’s death ruined Christmas for her

 

Don’t Trust the B, “Whatever it Takes…” I really have no recollection of even watching this episode. According to the first line of my notes, June gets a real job. And it’s a mark of how much I do not like this show anymore that I thought her name was actually Jane for a minute. The next line of my notes says that Chloe is a hard-partying alcoholic and June is addicted to food and Jeopardy. James is on Dancing with the Stars. Chloe sleeps with the boss’s mentally deficient son, Trey, to get June the ‘real job’. June throws the job when she realizes the boss’s son is married. End of story. I have a note on the side of my page: ‘I only laughed once!’ Standard. – K

Quoteworthy: “Trey was right about you. You’re a loud lady with a nice caboose!” – Chloe

 

Go On, “The World Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over” The first show we’ve come across thus far to focus on the Mayan Apocalypse (though we’re expecting many more as we get to the other December episodes). There’s an end of the world party. Danny admits to having feelings for Sonia. Ryan helps Anne grow by bringing her to wine country instead of letting her visit her wife’s grave like she does every other day. Mr K gets Owen to write the perfect ‘end of the world’ song. Wyatt proposes to Lauren. Despite her obvious attraction to Ryan, despite the fact that she’s clearly just not that into Wyatt, and, oddly, on Ryan’s advice, she says yes. I can’t remember if it was a good episode, bad episode, or average episode, so we’ll just assume it was good and leave it at that. – K

Quoteworthy: “The party is going to end at midnight, and by “the party” I mean this little rave we call existence.” – Mr K

 

New Girl, “Bathtub” Jess wants a bathtub. So does Winston. The other two do not want a bathtub. Jess and Winston get a bathtub anyway, put it on the roof, break the apartment and ruin Schmidt’s suits. Nick has a new love interest – Olivia Munn. I don’t see her lasting because, obviously, Nick and Jess are meant to be, but I really enjoy Olivia Munn so I think she’ll be good while she lasts. Cece broke up with Robby because when she told him she wants to have kids he stopped talking for eight hours. She considers getting back with Schmidt, agrees to have dinner with him, but he blows off the date for work (he’s trying to get his own account). Shows up at her apartment drunk. She calls her mom and asks to be set up. But I think Schmidt will prove himself just in time to stop her having to follow through with an arranged marriage. I hope he will! – K

Quoteworthy: “I’m ready to have kids with you if that’s what you want.” – Schmidt 

“It’s a Miracle…” – Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23

       

Oh god, there’s just so much meh. It seems as though last week’s episode was an aberration – this show has lost its humor. It’s doing it. It’s Jack Sparrowing. I has a sad.

This week’s episode saw June and Chloe visit Chloe’s parents for Thanksgiving. If you remember, last time we saw Chloe’s dad, he was hooking up with June. Oh lol, awkward. 😐

James volunteers at a homeless kitchen for the day. Is self-centered and arrogant. More than any of the characters, JVDB has lost his inherent humor. He has now become a parody of (a parody of) himself.

There were few jokes and, by the time we discover that Chloe can be nice when she wants to be, I was so frustrated with the show in general that any emotional reaction the writers were hoping for was just never going to come.

I am going to keep watching because I still do love the show, or at least the theory of it. But I’m finding myself sort of hoping that it doesn’t get picked up for a third season. – K

 

Quoteworthy: “I am caught in the shallow end of a very dark pool.” – so are we, June. So are we.

“Sexy People…” – Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23

       

Don’t Trust the B showed remarkable prescience in this week’s episode. Temporarily, at least. “Sexy People…” focused on the lead up to the announcement of People’s Sexiest Man Alive, 2012. For a while there, June was fighting Channing Tatum’s corner. They totally called it.

This was the episode that I felt finally reclaimed the charm and bizarreity (yeah, I made up a word, deal with it) of the first season. It provided me with plenty of throw-my-head-back-with-laughter moments, though that could have been because it felt like such an accurate portrayal of magazine life. Chloe ensconcing herself as a Managing Editor at People was perfection. The fact that she was actually good at it made it all the better. And her venom and vitriol was nicely sweetened, as always, by June, JVDB and Luther.

The resurgence of Yac-Yan Da Biznessman’s “Good Good” was a nod to all of us seasoned DTtB veterans, and its new association with James only made it funnier.

The meetings Chloe runs are fantastic and actually explain a lot about magazines like People. The smackwich may be our new favorite thing.

What was most interesting was that Chloe’s argument against People’s Sexiest Man Alive actually echoed a lot of the criticism that’s come in the wake of the selection of Tatum, lending this episode the double whammy of being funny and insightful. This is the DTtB I had missed. – K

 

Quoteworthy: “Pantsless handstand on horse, not sexy. Now we know.” – Chloe 

“Love and Monsters…” – Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23

     

Ah! The first Halloween episode of this week’s (Oct 28th – Nov 1st) consignment of shows. Oh joys! We were wondering when these would start cropping up. And crap. We just realized that, because of Sandy, we’ll probably have at least two more next week (90210, Gossip Girl). Does her destruction and devastation know no bounds? (Seriously, though. We don’t mean to make light of the disaster, and our thoughts go out to everyone affected by the hurricane and her aftermath.)

The episode centers on Chloe’s new love affair. Except it’s not really a love affair. It’s just a ploy used as part of her favorite Halloween trick – picking someone who annoys her and destroying them. Except it’s not just Chloe’s ploy. It’s his too. Benjamin (Ben Lawson, No Strings Attached, Neighbours) knew she did that every year and, when she started being nice to him at JVDB’s Positivity Party (long story), he decided to pull his own con. He made her live a chick flick. There’s the requisite dash to the airport to round off the episode, but with a twist. Chloe tells Benjamin she likes him, but is this just part of the con? Even Benjamin can’t tell…

We get the feeling we’ll be seeing a lot more of him.

The episode was a vast improvement on the season opener, with Chloe’s deviousness back up to par and big laughs in every scene. This is the Don’t Trust the B we know and love. – B+K

 

Quoteworthy: “That is not positive. Take that off immediately. Luther, grab the emergency Pikachu costume.” – JVDB 

“A Reunion…” – Don’t Trust the B in Apartment 23

    

I hate to say this, because I’ve been a huge fan of the show, but the season opener of Don’t Trust the B was a little disappointing. It was just kind of hit and miss. Slow start, fewer laugh out loud moments than in the first season… I’m really hoping it’s just a ‘first episode back’ glitch and it will be business as usual next week, because if this show Jack Sparrows** I’ll be super upset.

“A Reunion…” sees JVDB dealing with the realization that those reunion requests he’s been getting from his former cast members for the past 10 years have been written by Chloe (who likes that when he feels powerful – i.e. when he’s ignoring the letters – he’ll give her anything she wants) and that, in fact, the entire cast of Dawson’s Creek hates him now. June pushes for the reunion anyway, because Dawson’s Creek was so important to her and her friends back in the day. Then she finds out that none of her friends care about Dawson’s Creek anymore because they’re out living their lives. Then there’s moping on the couch as June and JVDB realize that their lives were better 10 years ago. JVDB spirals out of control until some kind advice from Saved by the Bell’s Mark-Paul Gosselaar inspires him to free himself from his Dawson’s Creek past. With a Viking burial in Central Park.

Also starring, Busy Phillips and Frankie Muniz.

Highlights: June’s “make-shift living room presentation”, particularly the Lion King slide. Luther’s screenplay for Malcolm in the Middle Meets Dawson.

 

Quoteworthy: “Oh sweetie… We don’t… we don’t eat. We just live in caves, having our periods until it’s time to have sex with the first guy who buys us a wine cooler and reminds us of our dad.” – Busy Phillips

 

** I am hereby creating the verb ‘to Jack Sparrow’, which, loosely defined, means to lose all humor in sequels when cast and writers realize a show/movie/character can be funny and try too hard to make it funny. Feel free to use the term as and where you will. You’re welcome.