I don’t know what to say about the Gossip Girl finale other than that it was the perfect ending to the season and the series. It was a return to the GG of old – a minimum of scheming, and a maximum of good storytelling – and also wrapped up everything that had kept us guessing for years.
The episode picks up right where “The Revengers” left off, with Chuck and Blair fleeing the scene of Bart’s (hilarious) fall. They escape to a romantic hotel where they hide out from the cops. They’re being sought for questioning in relation to Bart’s death. Jack Bass shows up (had a tracker in Chuck’s limo) and offers them a solution – spousal privilege! If Chuck and Blair get married, Blair can’t be forced to testify against Chuck. Despite the pragmatic nature of any such marriage, Chuck manages to make his proposal sweet and romantic. The wedding will go ahead.
Back in New York, Serena is back to confront Dan about the alternate version of the Serena Chapter. Or the final chapter, as we find out later. She wants to know which Dan is the real Dan – the one who ripped her apart in the press or the one who’s been in love with her since he was 16.
With Bart dead, William is (predictably) moving in on Lily. He starts screening calls from Ivy early on, with a stunning sly side-eye to the camera that had me rewinding and freeze-framing over and over.
Chuck refuses to let Blair get married in a dingy courthouse, in last night’s clothes, so they orchestrate (the only scheme of the episode) a Central Park wedding with all of their nearest and dearest.
Before the ceremony, Dan overhears Blair telling Serena that she can do better than him, so he gives Nate his final chapter and tells him to run it in The Spectator. Nate swiftly dispatches Sage to put it online and the rest of the gang head to the (rather truncated) ceremony, fittingly taking place in the very spot where Blair and Serena renewed their friendship in Season 1.
And, despite what I was thinking a few weeks ago, the long wait has apparently done nothing to lessen the impact of a Chair wedding. I couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off my face the whole time. I guess it was nice to see, after years of missed opportunities and misunderstandings, that Blair and Chuck could finally be together, just as we’ve all known they would be since before “Victor Victrola” in Season 1.
Just as the wedding (post “I Do”) is broken up by the cops (they get released super quickly), everyone gets the blast from The Spectator. We get a rather cute montage of previous characters expressing shock as they read the article – Lola, Vanessa, Juliette, Agnes, Rachel Bilson and Kristen Bell as Blair and Serena in Dan’s screenplay – before it’s revealed to us.
DAN HUMPHREY is Gossip Girl. What?! As the other characters piece things together, I was a bit embarrassed that I didn’t guess it either, but their general disbelief more than makes up for it.
Below, you’ll see Dan’s confession article – the final truth and the first piece of Dan’s writing I didn’t hate.
And then, for the final scenes, we jump forward five years. Nate has made The Spectator hugely successful and is considering a run for Mayor. Blair and Chuck have a son, Henry, who didn’t get the good looks of either of his parents, but who does have a rather snappy suit. Blair has a successful fashion empire, which Jenny Humphrey is a part of (J for Waldorf). Rufus is dating Lisa Loeb. Ivy wrote a book that has been turned into a play, or a movie or something, starring Lola Rhodes and Olivia (Hilary Duff). Lily is with William, and Georgina is with Jack Bass (best. couple. ever). And then we realize that everyone (oh yeah, Eric’s there too) is in one place because it’s Serena and Dan’s wedding day! Super low-key affair for a van der Woodsen event, but balance is restored when Serena wears a terrible, terrible dress.
And we’re left with the certain knowledge that, while our favorite Upper East Siders are growing up and moving on, Gossip Girl will never die – gossip is never dead.
So, like I said, the perfect ending. The only mistake that the Gossip Girl team made was showing flashbacks of Dan in his hot days. It just made the current Dan look that much worse. Will Lonely Boy now see the error of his ways and cut that hair? XOXO, Pond Hopping Girls (we can’t believe we’ve been letting that opportunity pass us by for the last 9 episodes…) – B+K
Quoteworthy: “The Upper East was like something from Fitzgerald or Thackeray – teenagers acting like adults, adults acting like teenager, guarding secrets, spreading gossip. All with the trappings of truly opulent wealth. And membership in this community was so elite you couldn’t even buy your way in. It was a birthright. A birthright I didn’t have and my greatest achievements would never earn me. All I had to compare to this world was what I had read in books. My dad gave me the idea. If I wasn’t born into this world, maybe I could right myself into it. I had overheard enough conversations to be able to mimic the language of the Constance girls, but every writer needs his muse and it wasn’t until the photo of Serena in the white dress that I realized I had something strong enough to actually create a legend and launch a website. Within weeks, I was getting dozens of emails with stories about Upper East Siders, so I posted them anonymously. And then I got more. Before long, it was a monster. Everyone was sending tips. And when Serena came back from boarding school I wrote the first post about me, Lonely Boy. The outsider, the underdog. I might have been a joke, but at least people were talking about me.”