“The Rains of Castamere” – Game of Thrones

WARNING! The following reviewing contains many fairly large spoilers. Please, DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT TO KNOW!

red2It’s not often that you see a look of utter betrayal. I saw that look three times before breakfast this morning. Once on Jorah Mormont’s face when he realized Daenerys cared more about Daario than him, once more on Catelyn Stark’s face as she discovered the chainmail onesie on Roose Bolton, and then once more staring back from the mirror as I looked up after the screen silently faded to black.

I knew the Red Wedding was coming, I knew all this would happen, but I still wasn’t prepared. How am I expected to go on with my life now? How can I keep going with this emotional trauma weighing me down? And did they really have to kill another direwolf? That was just the icing on the cake of cruelty that the good people at HBO have shoved down our collective throats.

But then, at least, I did smile once during this new episode.

Remember when Hodor (of House Hodor, first of his Hodor) was freaking out about the thunder and right before Bran warg’d him into a nice deep coma? Not sure if everyone else twigged this but Bran says, and I shit you not, “Hush Hodor, no more Hodoring.” How in seven hells does a child actor keep a straight face while saying that? I mean they verbed him. Comedy gold. Not to mention Walder Frey’s crass (but rather smirk-inducing) monologue relating to the lovely Lady (Queen?) Talisa (Quoteworthy). That said, I think we all retrospectively downgraded whatever enjoyment we got from that bit as we saw her get repeatedly stabbed in the womb. Now, if it’s just the swordfights you watch this series for, then you’ll have liked this episode. Lots and lots of blood, including, I believe, the first time we ever see Grey Worm kill a man. Quite the spear handler, that lad. Daario, too, though to be honest I thought he might get distracted by the naked carvings on his own weapons, being the famous love-maker that he is.

I also got the feeling that they may have been at the end of the special effects budget with this episode. Case in point the stuffed eagle that attacked Jon Snow as he killed Orell. It reminded me a lot of this scene from the 1970’s Hulk series. (Wait till the end.)

So was “The Rains of Castamere” worth the two week wait? Not really. I mean, shit definitely went down, but it just wasn’t as enjoyable as most of the series has been. I’ll admit, that’s holding things up to high standards, but honestly this episode just could have been better. It really doesn’t take the sting out of the fact that, after next week, we’ll all need to wait until 2014 for more of our favorite show. That hurts almost as much as seeing Catelyn die. And it’s a pain that will just keep going. – J

Quoteworthy: “I bet when you take that dress off, everything stays right where it is. Don’t drop an inch! Your king says he betrayed me for love, I say he betrayed me for firm tits and a tight fit! And I can respect that…” – Walder Frey


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