“Second Sons” – Game of Thrones

game-of-thrones-season-3-sansa-tyrion-weddingTen thousand men is impressive by any standard. So, with two thousand mounted and armored men and eight thousand in light infantry, not to mention three growing dragons, I’m backing Daenerys Stormborn for Queen of Westeros. I mean, I always have been, but now it looks like it could actually happen. It’s a bad time to be from Yunkai.

“Second Sons” wasn’t great in comparison to the rest of the season. Heavy on drama, light on action and only so-so on wit. That said, we did at least get our fix of Tyrion, drunk and furious at his own wedding, noble as always, if a bit reckless. It’s generally not a good idea to threaten castration to your King, even if he is being the world’s most irritating, step stool moving little pissant. But I have to hand it to Peter Dinklage – Tyrion is almost everyone’s favorite character in the series, and how he played the imp in this outing of Game of Thrones is simply phenomenal. It’s not easy to act convincingly drunk, and even harder, I imagine, to act as a drunk, pretending to be even drunker, but I was lost in his scenes, almost forgetting that it’s all fiction. That happens a lot with me and this show.

Now what I did have something of a problem believing (pretty rich coming from a man reviewing a fantasy TV series, huh?) was Sam and his magic dagger. Which he just so happened to be carrying. And it just so happens to be made of White Walker kryptonite. And of course he just has to remember he has it right before the ice-zombie eats his girlfriends’ baby. I hesitate to use the world girlfriend, but she’s a bit more than his friend, or at least Sam wants her to be. Shit, she wanted to name Craster’s boy after Sam’s dad. I actually liked that scene a lot. I think it shows for the first time that Sam and Gilly might have something in common after all. Even if it is just having pricks for fathers.

As for new characters, there are only a couple worth mentioning. First up, Mero of Bravvos, aka the Titan’s Bastard (Mark Kileen, The Sweeney, The Walking Dead), probably the most vilely sexist and lascivious man we’ve seen so far in the series. I kind of want to be him. And then there is Daario Naharis (Ed Skrien, Ill Manors, The Sweeney) Probably best classed as Mero’s better self, Daario possesses all that same swagger, overt sexuality and lust, but without the vulgarity. Oh, and eye candy for the approximately 50 per cent of the audience who I’m sure wouldn’t mind having him walk in on them taking a bath. Handsome fucker.

Speaking of male skin on show, I’m sure it made a lot of our more prurient readers happy to see Gendry engaging in some light bondage in the form of a painful leeching with the Lady Melisandre. There’s power in a king’s blood, yeah, but did she really have to put a leech on his cock? (Side poll: how many of you wanted to be that leech?) But very seriously, that bit of black magic is worrying. What’s going to happen to poor Robb Stark? If Stannis “the Mannis” Baratheon could have Renly killed by R’hllorian magic, what hope for the other usurpers? They’re not long for the world I’d warrant, and I think that this season finale might just see some grisly deaths. I’ll try not to cry. – J

Quoteworthy: “The Gods gave us two gifts to entertain us before we die – the thrill of fucking a woman who wants to be fucked, and the thrill of killing a man who wants to be killed.” – Daario Naharis

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