“The Things We Do For Love” – 90210

       Image copyright The CW (2012)

Most TV shows are content with one big pre-winter-hiatus reveal and/or cliffhanger. Not so 90210. The Christmas episode from our favorite televisual zip code left us with two major cliffhangers and two minor, and provided us a host of revelations and ‘oh my actual god’ moments.

I’m too baffled by the sheer quantity of plot to even contemplate going into too much depth here, so I’ll sum up as briefly as possible.

Liam’s stalker finally turns to blackmail, asking for $500k to stay quiet about that whole Vanessa falling to her ‘death’ thing. Annie lends him the money. Then Ade sees Vanessa in the hair salon and asks Ashley to tell Liam. Ashley freaks out. Pulls Liam over when he’s on the way to make the drop (which Annie said she’d record, to catch the stalker once and for all). For some reason Liam isn’t suspicious about how she knew where he was. Actually, how did she know where he was? When Liam doesn’t show at the drop, Vanessa and Annie get fed up of waiting at the same time (ruining my predictions, Vanessa was the one stalking him). Annie (nearly literally) runs into Vanessa. Meanwhile, Ashley has brought Liam to a dank, dodgy underground car park. She tells him Vanessa is back. He says he has to see her, and that he can sort everything out tonight. Ashley is unhappy about this so, naturally, SHE INJECTS HIM WITH SOMETHING! Of course. Vanessa and Annie head to the Offshore looking for Liam (and the money). He’s not there. Or is he? Pan down to the basement where he’s tied to a pipe (cliché) and gagged. But will they find him before it’s too late?<— major cliffhanger no.1

Not quite as major as that, but significant enough, Silver’s baby issues. After talking to Shane about the sperm donation situation, Teddy decides he wants to be involved in their baby’s life. Silver isn’t okay about this because it’s not what they agreed to, and – as a child of divorce herself – she doesn’t want to put her kid through that whole shared custody nightmare. She tells Teddy she’s not okay with it and ‘thanks for the offer, but no’. Shane tells her if she doesn’t start taking Teddy’s request seriously he’ll call in all the top lawyers he knows. So now she’s left with a decision – agree to a shared custody arrangement or not have the baby at all. I’m totally leaning toward the not having the baby at all. This is soap land, so even if she decides not to go ahead with the IVF she’ll probably have a miracle pregnancy. With Liam as the dad. And everyone will be happy.<— major cliffhanger no.2

We discover that Riley is eligible for a (potentially life threatening) spinal surgery that could give him full use of his legs. He doesn’t want to do it because he’s happy in the chair and doesn’t want to risk his life for a slim chance. But then Annie tells him she’s thinking of going to Scotland and he thinks the only reason she didn’t ask him to go with her is because of the chair. Personally I think she just thought it’d be weird to ask some guy she’s been seeing for a month to move halfway across the world with her. But anyway, he sees how happy she is when Dixon tells her he’s 100 percent better and can walk (revelation no.1) so decides he’s going to go ahead with the surgery, because he wants to be able to walk for her or something. I hope he doesn’t die. A) Annie deserves a break. B) It’s too predictable.<— minor cliffhanger no.1

Max is all depressed after losing his job and is looking into a few different avenues for progressing in his career. But Naomi can’t stop interfering and it really pisses him off. He decides he needs some space, so he’s gone to Iceland for a gamers’ conference. Who knows how long he’ll be gone, and what state their marriage will be in when he gets back…<— (very) minor cliffhanger no.2

That interfering Naomi was doing? She was trying to get him his job back at his old company. Bryce lets slip that someone was out to get Max and that that’s why he was fired. After some dating subterfuge (setting Bryce up with Navid), it comes out that that person was Alec. He was an old friend of Bryce’s and told her the answer to the goldfish question so she’d be guaranteed the job – but only on the condition that she would fire Max as soon as she got it.<— revelation no.2

When Naomi goes to confront Alec, she discovers that he’s in love with Max and that everything he’s done is to keep Max near.<— revelation no.3

Dixon finally tells Megan that his was the car that her father crashed into the day he died. This, for some reason, made Megan want to eat his face. In the sexy way. Grieving girls are weird.<— revelation no.4 (is it just me, or does that sound like the name of a perfume?)

I think it’s safe to say that the January return will be interesting. – K

Quoteworthy: “Good move! Yeah! Save some surprises for the wedding night.” – Riley, to Dixon, on why he should probably tell Megan the truth now. 

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